My Doors Have Bling!

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Yes, friends, you guessed it.  My doorknobs arrived!  For some reason, I'm not sure why since I went to bed at 1:30ish, I woke up at 7:30 this morning.  I feel like Lilly might have needed to go potty and woke me up, because I vaguely remember forcing myself to stay awake after I (presumably) let her out.  I've only fallen back asleep once after letting her out in the mornings, and then it was summertime, so it wasn't a massive issue.  Now, though, and little Lillums would turn into a pupscicle! 

Point of the tangent is, I was already awake and functioning for the 9:30 phone call that alerted me that the knobs had arrived!  I went and picked them up and the man at the store was nice enough to explain to me how to put them on.  Seemed easy enough.

Wrong.

Okay, the installation itself wouldn't have been hard if 1) the backset hole had been drilled to the appropriate 2 1/8" instead of, I'm guessing 1 3/4", 2) there hadn't been a metal filing lodged in the screw, making it initially impossible to install the doorknob, and 3) I had had three hands.

The biggest issue was the hole size.  There was just no way that knob was going into that hole.  I thought, no biggie, I'll just go to Lowes.  Well, I spent $8 on a 2 1/8" hole saw that didn't work worth a flip.  I'll qualify that statement by admitting that it probably would have worked fine on a door that didn't already have a decent sized hole already in it.  Luckily, my mother is a fellow DIYer and had a Dremmel I could borrow.

Seriously, ladies, this thing is awesome.  My mom's a little obsessed with it, and after seeing it in action, I can understand why.  It took maybe 20 minutes of on-and-off sanding with this spinny attachment thingy to whittle the hole big enough to accept my new lock.

Once I got the lock in place, I began to screw the thing together.  This was the most frustrating part of the entire experience, largely because I didn't realize until about an hour in that the reason the screw refused to screw in all the way was not because I was some dumb girl who was perfect fodder for a "How many sorority girls does it take..." joke but because there was a metal filing stuck in the teeth of the screw.  This tiny little thing (seriously, I've had fingernail clippings larger than this filing) was jamming the thing up.  Once I saw this and managed to get it out, the lock went on easy peasy lemon squeezy.  Want to see a photo of the final result?  Okay, since you asked:



The bad news is that the other doorknob has a similar issue with the screw not being able to screw all the way in.  Unfortunately, I think the filing is in the female part of the screw mechanism rather than the male, so I can't pop it out as easily.  So it's back to the dealer she goes to be replaced.  Hopefully the new one will come in quickly.

I mean this in the nicest way possible, but if I'm going to spend $75 on a doorknob that retails for $104, it should be freaking perfect.  I plan on stressing this to the dealer tomorrow in hopes of avoiding paying additional shipping charges.  Fingers crossed.

Also, if I ever sell this house, you'd better believe the realtor will be pointing out the quality hardware on each and every door.

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